What Kind of Conversion Van Would Santa Claus Own?
As any experienced van owner knows, if you’re going to own a van, a conversion van is the best option.
They’re excellent for day trips, weekends, or vacations. Conversion vans can also eliminate the cost of a hotel room on the road. With awesome amenities, it can be a decked-out super-ride.
So, what amenities would Santa want in his conversion van? Naturally, it would be outfitted with skis that slide out from the undercarriage. If Santa’s sleigh was in the shop, he could use the van. With retractable skis, the reindeer could still haul Santa’s assets around the world.
Undoubtedly, it would be tricked out to the max with everything he’d need to keep in touch with the home base up north. Knowing the big guy’s affinity for tradition, he’d probably want a CB radio to chat with his good buddies. He would also want the latest in GPS and satellite imagery technologies so he could discern little Johnny’s house from wee Sean’s thatched cottage and pequeño Juan’s casa.
The exterior color would be candy-apple red, naturally, and the interior would be snowy white, fluffy carpeting. Jingle bells would be tinkling with tiny festive lights blinking. Christmas music would always be playing, and there would be a card table so he and the missus could play texas-ho-ho-hold-em. The cruise control would be attached to the reindeer with Rudy in charge while the van is cruising. On the ground, when Santa and his lovely wife were on vacation, the cruise control would be back in Santa’s hands.
Santa is a kindly, thoughtful, generous gent; he’d want storage bins in the side panels filled with reindeer chow for his four-hooved buddies. They could have a quick midnight nosh while Santa is pulling chimney duty. The customized reindeer bluetooth would alert them as soon as he lay his finger aside his nose to rise up the chimney as he goes.
The heating system would be lunar and reindeer generated so he wouldn’t have to use fuel or electricity to keep the inside heated on those cold winter travel nights. With the extra accessories and features, Mrs. Claus would more than likely accompany Santa on Christmas Eve. She needs to get out of the house more often anyway. With all the room that a conversion van has, he might even invite his head elf, S. Presley, to join him for in-flight strategizing. What with new construction and relocating going on all the time, the logistics of efficient toy delivery can get tricky.
Santa’s new conversion van would be one of his favorite toys. With it, he and Mrs. Claus would finally have a safe, comfortable, enjoyable way to get away from the toyshop. If they came upon a midnight clear while on the road, they could pull over, take a break, and share some cookies and milk. Sweet!