A Clash of Titans!

November 30th, 2012 by


Who Would Win


It’s the clash that’s sent fanboys trembling behind their comic book collections.

In this corner: Bruce Banner. Bathed in gamma radiation, the scientist found he was alive but cursed. When stressed, Banner transforms into seven feet of unbridled rage that only grows as he gets angrier. Banner becomes the HULK!

In that corner, with a dynamite stereo system, gaming center, the best safety features, airbags, seatbelts and, hopefully, a powerful chassis, undaunted and determined, straight out of the Arbogast lot: The Southern Comfort Tailgating Van!

Should be quite the battle. We spoke with Banner earlier to ask what to expect. His eyes turned a little green and we got the heck outta there!

So we went over to the Southern Comfort’s driver, Bobo Tarantino. “I have no idea why I’m doing this,” he said. “Somebody get Dave Arbogast!

Arbogast is the mastermind behind Arbogast Conversion Vans. And what a great guy. It’s through his vision that this dealership has become a premier provider of vehicles while maintaining what he calls a ‘hometown’ feel of customer service.

We found Arbogast in his office, working as always. We asked him about today’s bout between the big green giant and one of his vans.

“Get out,” Arbogast said.

We told him the driver was showing signs of apprehension.

“Well,” Arbogast reported, “since Tarantino already cashed my check he’d better get in that van or he’s gonna get more problems than the Hulk.”

Let’s get back to the action. They’ve locked a screaming Bobo into the seatbelt with an acetylene torch.

Banner’s stepped into the road. All things considered, he’s calm. He’s actually using the tail of his shirt to clean his glasses. Nerves of steel, that guy!

The Comfort’s engine has started up. There it goes. Barreling directly at Banner. You can see the look of terror on Bobo. Banner isn’t moving. He isn’t flinching! That van must be hitting 60. Doesn’t look like either party’s goin- WOW! The Comfort’s knocked Banner about 20 feet. He’s tumbling like a rag doll. And Bobo’s gotten a little courage! He’s coming around for another shot!

Wait! Banner’s staggered to his feet. And I think – uh oh, there it goes. Bobo needs to hurry be- Too late. Banner’s shaking and growing. The crowd’s getting outta there! Oh, baby, the Comfort ran full force into the Hulk! The grill’s crumbled like notebook paper. It’s flying up and over the behemoth. The Hulk seems more aware of his ripping clothes than the fact a van smashed into him.

The Comfort’s flipping – and managed to land on its last two wheels! This is incredible! Speaking of which, the Hulk’s left! He simply leaped out of sight.

We’re getting close to the van. He’s okay, folks! Bobo’s okay. He just wants to know who won the presidential election in 1840!

But ? otherwise, he seems okay?

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